


Clyde's Totally Radical Week of Awesomeness (Clyde Week 2k19)

by orphan_account



Category: South Park
Genre: Family, Friendship, M/M, Stupidity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-20
Updated: 2019-08-26
Packaged: 2020-09-19 10:02:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20329312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: My contribution to @clydeweekis-canon on tumblrPrompts:Day 1: Stupidity is a charm🤪💘Day 2: Friends are life, bro!👯♂️👊Day 3: Fam-squad 👪Day 4: Prince Charming 🕶✨Day 5: For Betsy 🕊🌷Day 6: After School/Work Activities👟🏀Day 7: Free Day!





	1. It May Be Stupid, But It's Also Dumb

As Clyde climbed into the shopping cart perched at the top of the hill, he started to break a sweat. He wiped his forehead dry and grabbed the box of firecrackers from his jacket pocket and tied them to the handle of the cart.

“I’ve come to expect a certain level of stupidity from you,” said Craig, shaking his head, “but this is on a new level.” 

Clyde shrugged as he put on his skateboard helmet. “You say that now, but when I go viral and I’m swimming in cash, you’ll regret ever doubting me.”

“Are the firecrackers even necessary?”

“They make the stunt extra spicy, duh.”

“Remember the last time you said that one of your jackass acts was ‘spicy’? You broke both of your legs.”

Clyde had a particularly rocky relationship with doing dumb things for popularity. His last attempt involved sledding off the roof of Token’s house and trying to land in their pool. Everything looked like it was going to go according to plan, and he probably would have been fine if he didn’t hesitate at the last minute and shift his trajectory. The worst part for Clyde, however, was that Token had forgotten to hit the record button.

“That was different. This time I have protection.” He slapped the pillow he had strapped to his chest firmly. “Now light the fuses and start recording. I’m about to be famous.”

“Just so you know, if you die, I always considered you my best friend. Also I call dibs on your Xbox. Any last words for the camera?”

“Don’t forget to like, comment, and subscribe.”

Clyde shifted his body weight so that the cart started rolling down the hill right as the firecrackers started going off. He raised his arms in the air and started shouting with excitement. His pulse was pounding, blood and adrenaline coursing through him. As he leaned forward to gain speed, the cart hit a rock, sending him flying out of the cart onto the snowy ground below. The best he could do was to tuck and roll down the hill.

Craig rushed down the hill after him, phone still in hand. He couldn’t help but laugh as he saw his friend covered in snow at the bottom. “Do you have any regrets now?”

“Is the camera still rolling?”

“Yeah.”

“Then no, I regret nothing.”

Craig stopped recording and sat in the snow next to Clyde. “Okay, camera’s off. Now do you have any regrets?”

Clyde punched Craig in the arm. “Of course I do, you asshole! Did you see how far I flew out of the cart? That hurt like a motherfucker!”

“But it did look pretty sweet.”

“I told you you’d reconsider doubting me.”

“Not so fast, you haven’t gone viral yet.”

“No need. I impressed you, and that’s all that matters.”

“Really?”

“Of course not! I’m going to get so many subscribers from this!”

Craig chuckled at the comment. "Sure you are. Now let's get you some hot chocolate and aspirin."

"I also want a hot bath."

"I think we can manage that. You're so adorable when you're not acting like a dumbass daredevil."

"That's gay, dude."

"I know." Craig kissed Clyde on the cheek, causing him to fall over back into the snow. "Now get up. You know you're too heavy for me to carry you."


	2. Fort Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clyde and his friends build a pillow fort. Yeah, that's all I got

Friday night at Clyde’s house was in full swing. He invited Token, Jimmy, and Craig over for game night, and things were finally starting to get interesting. The four were in the middle of a game of Mario Kart, the group’s game of choice. It was the final lap, and tensions were high.

“Okay, which one of you assholes threw the blue shell?!” asked Clyde, frustrated as Token passed him.

“Guilty as-as-as charged,” said Jimmy. “G-get good, scrub.”

Craig was unusually quiet, as if focused on something. He had been in third place the entire race, but he was closing in on Clyde and Token. “Time to go in for the kill,” he said as he used his three mushrooms to take the lead and finish the race.

“Wow, nice one,” said Token, coming in second. “You always have been pretty good at this game.”

“Not fair!” Clyde tossed his controller onto the couch. “I almost won.”

Craig rolled his eyes. “But you didn’t, did you?”

“B-better luck next, n-next time,” said Jimmy. 

"Fuck off, okay?!" Clyde slumped over, his eyes misty. "You guys probably cheated anyways."

Token noticed that Clyde was starting to visibly get upset. “How about we do something else? Maybe something less competitive?”

“We could make a f-fort. Forts are fun," replied Jimmy.

"Forts are kind of boring," said Craig. Token looked at him sternly. "But like, boring in a fun way...?"

Clyde rose up from his seat. “Yeah, that sounds like a great idea! Craig, grab the spare bedding from my closet. Jimmy, take the cushions off the couch. Token, gather the chairs from the kitchen. I’ll order some pizza.”

The four made their way to their respective destinations to gather materials and reconvened in the living room. Token and Craig were in charge of architecture and structural stability, while Clyde and Jimmy focused on the design and visual appeal of the fort. By the time their pizza arrived, the fort was erected according to plan.

"Wow, this is the coolest fort ever!" Clyde clapped his hands together. "I hereby dub it 'Fort Totally Awesome',"

"I can't believe we actually made a fort that actually stayed up." Craig smiled. "And it's actually kind of neat."

"L-looks like tonight is, tonight is f-fort night," said Jimmy, much to the chagrin of everybody else.

Token laid a hand on Clyde's shoulder. "Well, aren't you going to invite us in, Captain?"

Clyde's face beamed as he led his friends into the surprisingly spacious fort. They took turns grabbing pizza slices, telling funny stories, and watching over the top videos. Songs were sung, and games were played. They stayed up all night, and they enjoyed every last moment of it.


	3. A Pondside Chat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clyde and his dad are spending a day at Stark's Pond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's pretty short because I can't relate to father-son bonding rip

Clyde and his dad were enjoying a beautiful day at Stark’s Pond. They had just eaten a picnic dinner and were sitting by the water, skipping stones across the pond’s surface.

“You see, son, the trick is to flick your wrist in just the right angle.”

Clyde picked up a smooth stone, mimicking his dad’s instructions. The rock hopped across a couple of times before sinking. “Like that?”

“That’s it!”

“Me and my friends usually just toss the rocks into the water… or each other.”

Clyde’s dad sighed. “Sounds about like me and my friends when I was your age.”

Clyde stared at the water. The setting sun was reflected in the pond’s surface. The light breeze blew his hair in his face. It was a tranquil scene, like something out of a movie. Everything was beautiful, and he sighed.

“You know, Dad? I’m glad we came out here today.”

“It’s nice to spend time with you. This place means a lot to me.”

“How so?” asked Clyde, a twinkle in his eye.

“This is where I met your mother for the first time. But that’s a story for another time.”

Clyde nodded. “Yeah, it’s getting late. But we should do this again sometime.”

“I’d enjoy that very much.”


	4. What if We Kissed in Taco Bell? 😳😳 (And We're Both Boys)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clyde takes Craig on a dinner date, and shenanigans ensue.

Clyde pulled up to Craig’s house right at 6pm, as promised. He approached the door and lightly knocked. When the door opened and Craig’s dad answered, Clyde felt a chill go down his spine.

“Uhh, hello Mr. Tucker.” He gulped. “Is Craig home?”

“One moment.” He turned around. “Craig! Your friend is here!”

Craig walked down the stairs and stood in the doorway. “Oh hey, I wasn’t expecting you to be here on time.”

“Ouch, man, that hurts. Come on, we gotta get to the restaurant before the good seats are taken.”

“You mean you didn’t get a reservation?” Craig raised an eyebrow.

“Wait, Taco Bell does reservations?”

Craig facepalmed. “Of course you’re taking me to Taco Bell. What did I even expect?”

Clyde pulls into the Taco Bell parking lot, getting out to open Craig’s door for him. They walk into the establishment, surprisingly empty on a Friday night. Clyde took the liberty of ordering a 12-pack of tacos to split among the two of them, in addition to two drinks. They go to fill their cups while they wait for the food to be prepared.

“Really? Did we need a dozen tacos?” Craig shook his head, the slightest hint of a smile on his face. “Does that not seem excessive?”

“Think of it this way. There are two of us, which means it’s only six each. That’s not that many, is it?”

“What the fuck, Clyde? Six tacos is definitely a lot.”

Clyde shrugged. “Sounds like something a coward would say.”

“This is why you’re fat, dude.”

“Am I, though?”

“Yes.”

“Whatever.” Clyde rolled his eyes. “You know you love my curves, bro.”

“I can’t even deny that.” Craig sighed.

When their food was ready, Clyde picked up the tray. He went over to the area where the sauce packets were located and grabbed a handful, along with some napkins. He took the tray to the table where Craig was waiting for him.

“I’m only eating two of these,” said Craig.

“Whatever, more for me,” said Clyde, mouth full of taco.

“Do you have any shame?”

“Do you have any fun?” Clyde stuck a taco sideways into his mouth. “Look, I’m a taco duck.”

Craig snorted. “Why is that so funny?”

“It’s the humor.”

Somehow, in the span of half an hour, Clyde managed to eat 10 tacos as if it was nothing, and Craig was absolutely mesmerized by it. “Are you even human?”

“Yeah, just a really hungry one.”

“Is it weird to say that I’m impressed.”

“I’d be upset if you didn’t”

“Wait a second,” said Craig, staring at Clyde’s mouth. “You have some sauce on your face.”

“Where?”

“Here.” Craig pressed his lips against Clyde’s. Clyde took the hint and reciprocated the kiss. They made out for a good minute or so. It was pretty romantic. Well, until Clyde ended up burping in Craig’s face.

“Whoops, excuse me. I’m so sorry.”

Craig couldn’t even be upset. “You’re lucky that I love you, because that was…”

“Absolutely disgusting?” interrupted Clyde.

“I was gonna say weak as fuck. You can do better. Six out of ten.”

“At least that kiss was a ten out of ten.”

“Yeah, it definitely was.”


	5. A Day of Remembrance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clyde visits his mother's grave

Clyde was naturally a pretty emotional guy. He cried at sad movies and when life inconvenienced him. He definitely wore on his sleeve in most situations. However, even sitting next to his mother’s grave, he was able to keep his composure.

No matter how busy he was, Clyde always managed to pay his respects to his mom on her birthday, Mother’s Day, and the anniversary of her death. The routine was always the same: a bouquet of her favorite flowers, white lilies, laid in front of her headstone; a tray of lemon bars, one eaten and the rest shared with friends; and the winding of the music box she used to put Clyde to sleep as a child. Everybody was always supportive of him during these days, making sure to give him the time and space to grieve.

These days, it was much less about grieving and mourning, and more about celebrating the life of Betsy Donovan. She was more than just a mother; she was a wife, a strong-willed woman, a key member of her community, and an overall great person. Sure, Clyde was pretty sad that she was gone and always missed her, but he was happy to live his life to the fullest in her honor.

“I love you, Mom. Can’t wait to see you again.”


	6. A Quiet Day in the Life of Clyde

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My idea of what Clyde would do if he had the afternoon to himself

Clyde was a pretty popular guy. He enjoyed spending time with his friends or with his dad on most days, but he also really enjoyed having some privacy every now and then. Being around people was nice and all, but sometimes having some time to relax and recharge was needed to combat the stresses of everyday life.

The entertainment value of watching something wasn’t necessarily the content of the program as much as it was having some background noise to zone out to. Clyde was easily distracted, so turning something on that he could easily walk away from was preferred. This usually consisted of him watching a lot of cooking, travel, and home improvement shows, as they didn’t require any form of understanding continuity or ongoing plot.

Typically after a few hours, Clyde would get hungry and wander around the kitchen in search of snacks. This could be anything from a sandwich to a family size bag of chips to last night’s leftovers. He wasn’t very picky, and his appetite was relative to his boredom. Sometimes he would even forego raiding the kitchen in lieu of ordering takeout.

On occasion, television wasn’t enough to distract Clyde, thus leading him to switch to video games. His favorite thing to do was work on expanding his base in Minecraft. Whether he was adding new houses to his village or improving his farming situation, he was always finding some new way to make his experience more enjoyable. Sometimes he would pull up a tutorial video on his phone and follow along.

He would play until he got hungry again, which usually took a few hours depending on how much fun he was having slaying mobs and engaging in trade. For the most part, he would drive to a fast food restaurant and order something to eat on the ride home. He would always take the long way home, enjoying a scenic stroll through the mountains before returning. From there, he would hop in the shower.

The shower was in a way therapeutic. Clyde would spend close to half an hour in the water, contemplating life, philosophy, or whatever funny story or creative thought came to mind. An equal amount of time would be spent styling his hair and admiring himself in the mirror before slipping into his pajamas and getting ready for bed. A quick browse through his phone to follow up with friends was usually all he needed before drifting off to bed to start anew the next day.


	7. Totally Sick, Dude!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clyde gets sick and asks Craig to come over to take care of him

For the most part, Clyde was a fairly healthy person, with the exception of his eating habits, his destructive tendencies in seek of attention, his bottling and subsequent release of his emotions… Okay, maybe the best way to say this was “Clyde was rarely sick” or something along those lines. The point was that for somebody that was usually “physically well enough to stay out of the doctor’s office”, Clyde was experiencing a sick day.

“Ugh, I feel like I’m going to die,” said Clyde, sniffing loudly. “I need somebody to come and take care of me.”

Clyde’s dad was on a business trip this week, so he had to rely on one of his friends. Who better to pick than his best friend (well, technically boyfriend as of a few days ago) Craig?

[CD]: dude come over  
[CD]: im sick  
[CT]: On my way over, be there in 5.

When Craig arrived, he walked in to find Clyde draped over the couch. A pallor had fallen over his usually rosy cheeks, his nose dripping. His eyes were half open. But most concerning of all was his outfit choice.

“Why aren’t you wearing a shirt?”

“I’m too hot…”

“If you didn’t look like you were on death’s door, I’d comment on the double meaning of that, but I’m here to help you feel better.”

“Can you turn on the tv?”

“The remote’s right there? Why don’t you....” Craig took another look at Clyde’s face. “Okay, I’ll do it.”

“Thank you. Now can you get me a blanket?”

“You mean like the one on the floor in front of you?”

“Oh, forgot about that. Cover me with it.

“What do you think made you sick?” asked Craig as he covered Clyde with the blanket.

Clyde took a moment to ponder what could have caused his sudden illness. Yesterday was a pretty lazy day. “Hmmmm…. Oh, I think I got it. I ate a burger from that place down by the mall, Burger Alley.”

Craig furrowed his brow. “You mean the place that was in the news for the outbreak of food poisoning?”

“You know I don’t watch the news.”

“It’s literally what’s on the TV right now!”

“Oh, you have a point there.”

Craig facepalmed. “Is there anything else I can do to help you feel better?”

“I want soup. Also a sandwich. I ate earlier, but...”

“I’m going to cut you off there because I don’t need to know about what went in or came out of you. Give me a couple of minutes, and I’ll be back with lunch.”

Craig was the first to admit that he was a terrible cook. One time he blew up a microwave because he left a fork on his plate. The last time he tried to boil pasta, it caught on fire. He was very nervous about being left alone in Clyde’s kitchen.

Ultimately, Craig opted to open a can of tomato soup and warm it up in the microwave. As for the sandwich, he put some bread in the toaster and stuck a slice of cheese between the pieces of toast when they came out. He cut the sandwich into triangles and placed the bowl of soup in between them, carrying the plate to the living room.

“Lunch is served, Your Royal Nuisance.”

“Is that any way to talk to your ailing boyfriend?”

“Probably not, but oh well.”

Clyde stared at the sandwich. “This sandwich looks like it went through hell.”

“If I tried to do it the right way, you kitchen would look like hell.”

Clyde nodded and ate his lunch in silence. It wasn’t very tasty, but even if it was Clyde wouldn’t be able to enjoy it.

“Can you grab me a Sprite from the kitchen? I’m thirsty.”

“Whatever makes you happy.”

Craig sauntered back into the kitchen to retrieve a bottle of Sprite from Clyde’s refrigerator. By the time he returned, Clyde was already asleep.

“I love you, you big dork,” whispered Craig, placing the bottle on the table. As if on cue, Clyde woke up to say “I love you, too.” before turning around and going back to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been a really fun event to be a part of! Clyde is my favorite character, so taking a week to write about him has been pretty great.

**Author's Note:**

> For more content, be sure to follow me on tumblr @secondhandsympathy


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